Pushed to the limit

I thought I was finally making some headway in my battle with the grief over the loss of my son in June. However, all it took was a few words from my employer about my focus to set me back months.
No matter how well meant advice is from others people should really refrain from telling someone who is grieving how they should feel or act. In my case I believe my employer was concerned for my health, but it sent me a three day crying binge. Not only did send me into a state of anxiety, but then it carried on through to the rest of my family. Now suddenly my family thinks they have an open forum to make demands on my emotions as well. I'm not saying they aren't entitled to their feelings, but Daniel was MY son. He had been in my current family's life only nine years.

I raised Daniel by myself for most of his life. We were extremely close. He wasn't just my only child, but my friend and compatriot as well. We always knew when things were tough we could count on each other. It was us against the world. Since he had become an adult he tried to be my protector. I miss him, and I miss the special bond we had. Yes, others in the family loved him, but they didn't share that bond.

Frankly, when my second husband Terry killed himself in dramatic style by forcing a stand off with
SWAT. I thought I was in hell for years, but now I've lost the last member of that family. I'll never forget the officers of SWAT telling me we are sorry but your husband is dead. I though those are some of the worst words I would ever hear , until I had some untrained victim's advocate call me in the middle of Sam's Club without asking where I was, or if I had anyone with me.
She just blurted out Staci (Dan's girlfriend) wants you to know your son killed himself today.
I screamed and screamed. I didn't care that I was in a public place. My life as I had known suddenly had come to an end. The same person kept calling me and insisting I come to Pueblo when I live in North Denver. She made it sound like the Sheriff needed me. After putting the rest of my new family at risk we drove for hours only to be told we weren't needed.

Am I angry. You are damned right I am angry. I am sick of people telling me how I should be acting and reacting. I went out and started a new complicated job, continued in college carrying a full class load and kept 4.0 gpa. Everyone else seems to think I should socialize and be at the top of my game. After my son died I lost three more people close to me including another suicide.
All I want is to grieve for my son in my own way, in my own time. If people think I am not functioning now then let them see what happens if the continue to push me. I need space and room.