Holiday Blues and More Loss

As everyone prepared to get away and enjoy the holiday I approached it with trepidation, not knowing how I would feel. I was happy the day before Thanksgiving because I had a extra half day off to get ready, and then it hit this was the first Thanksgiving my son would miss. Never again would he follow me around the kitchen waiting for the food to be done, teasing me as I cooked, never again would he eat his favorite Red Velvet cake, never again would he hug me and a say "Mom, I love you, I ate too much"

Then I realized I had to go grocery shopping. This devastated me, because I was in a grocery store when I received the words from an unthinking victim's advocate that my son was dead. I often have panic attacks in the grocery store. How could I possibly shop for food knowing my son was not going to eat any of it and try not to have flashbacks of June 14, 2007. Luckily my husband totally understood and went with me.

I cried much of last night, and this morning, but the rest of the day has ben good because I have wonderful friends who changed their own plans to come share the day with me. They knew I would need them. I lit a candle for my son this morning and it is still burning, and we baked the Red Velvet cake he loved so much in memory of him.

I received news that I lost another dear friend, but I don't know the details. I only know another beautiful soul has passed out of my life, and I will miss her. She always had a smile on her face, and I am lucky to have known. It was a pleasure to know you Deb. You brought me much joy in the years you were in my life.