Dealing with multiple deaths and suicide

What is happening in our society that make young adults feel the only way to solve their problems is to take their life? Have we failed as parents? Is life inherently more difficult than it was a few decades ago? Anyone who has lived through the suicide of a loved one asks these questions. I ask myself what can we do to stop this plague that is stripping us of our loved ones.

In three days my son, my only biological child will have been dead for six months. As I struggle with my grief and despair I watch others close to me suffer in much the same way. One dear friend lost her son two years ago in an accident two years ago. I tried to be there for her, and be a strong and supportive friend. Even though I had been touched by death before I really didn’t understand because it wasn’t my child. I loved her and wanted help but I can say I really didn’t want to completely understand. After all who would want to loose their child? It’s a dark place of shadows no one really understands until they have walked in the darkness.

One month ago, another dear friend lost her son to suicide also. What are the odds that three friend with adult sons would all loose their sons within a two year period. If I ask that question then I have to ask how my aunt lived through loosing three sons to suicide in six years. I thought my life was changed forever, when my husband killed himself ten years ago, but then to also loose my only child in the same way……there are no words. I look to my aunt for inspiration. She has dedicated her life help others. Her sister, another aunt lost both her sons also, although not to suicide, my uncle lost his only son in traffic accident. Before my grandmother died she wanted to know why all her grandsons were dying. No one knows. We just know we must deal with emotions and pain, and still try to make sense of our life.

I question every day that had I not married a man who would eventually kill himself if my son would still be alive? He was the only father figure Daniel ever really knew. He was 15, and he had just had his life torn apart. Did he learn the self-destructive behavior from Terry, did it bring on the series of problems he would face as a young man. I think multiple suicides in a family devastate those left behind that they often relive the pain until it becomes their own. It becomes a self-fulfilling destiny that leaves many seeking to escape the intense pain, and the need to be with their deceased loved ones that often the follow along the same path.

My aunts are veterans at the grief game, but my two friends and me are not. We deal shaking hands, overwhelming emotions, loss of memory, and post-traumatic stress. We are angry that we have go through this, we are angry with those who have intact families, we are angry with our employers because they do no understand our pain. They accuse us of wallowing in our grief; tell us we shouldn’t cry at work, and don’t understand when we say we are sick we are not making it up for attention. We get lost on way home, we drive in front of cars, buses, and trains yet barely notice it. Thought swirl so fast in our brain we can’t remember what we planning to do five minutes ago. We are told by our doctors to take care of ourselves and take time off from work, yet who will pay the mortgage if we do? Even though my aunts have lived through worse and they have continued to function I’d bet inside they struggle as badly as the rest of us. All I can say is they help the rest of have hope that someday we can redefine our lives.