Coping with the outside world

Once you have lost a child your thinking begins to change. It becomes us against them. Them being those who have never experienced the loss of a child and cannot even begin to fathom the daily pain we endure. I have had a strong urge to try to make my bosses and co-workers understand how this effects me. This my problem not theirs. It is my pain and no one else can experience, share it, or make it go away. I started a new job shortly after my son died, and I felt total isolation for the first month. How do I approach my bosses and co-workers and tell them I can't remember how do something they explained to me the day before? The loss of concentration, memory,and general functioning has been extremely frustrating. This is when I felt like I had to make people understand that the person they see right now isn't really who I am, but then I remember that person no longer exists. I do not know who I am now. A grieving mother, a survivor of multiple suicides, Kelley the jokester, the student, mostly just a lost soul now. I am lucky my new employer seems to understand, and has given me great support to make it through this. Not everyone is so lucky.

I took me seven years to learn function normally again after my husband killed himself. I am certainly not the person I was before that, and now I have to face that my only child is also dead. My whole family that I had is dead. Not only do I face new and old grief, but trying once again to learn how function again in a somewhat normal fashion. Kathy knows what I mean, as does anyone who has lost their child.

I will have bad days, but I will not wallow in my pain. When I am stronger I will find a way to help others in need. For now I am happy when I can remember what day it is.