The Angels Come

My heart goes out to the family I learned lost their child last week. I am sending this blog to them to give them the opportunity to join and share.
Yesterday I walked into one of the managers office and found him with tears in his eyes. He had just learned that one of our clients had just lost a child. I do not know the details but certainly understood his tears. Every parent goes through the fear of "what would I do if I lost my child?". Parents who have never suffered such a loss cannot begin to grasp it. The thought alone can bring a parent to their knees and it should. Our children are souls to be cherished. I encourage every parent to embrace every moment with your children that you are given. We don't always have the answers to their problems but don't let the sun go down on your wrath. As we who have lost a child have learned, there is no promise of tomorrow.

For anyone who is beginning this journey of agony, as hard as it is, keep going. You will cry rivers of tears. I don't think there is any way to avoid it. Your body will fail you. Your mind will fail you. You must be careful if you have to drive. You will think about suicide and maybe even begin to devise a plan. Just know, those deep painful feelings will ease up, so whatever you do, don't give up. Kelley is right. There are still blessings in this life and as hard as it may be to believe, you will even laugh again. Do whatever you need to do to get through your moments, hours, days, weeks, months and years. I don't know if it really gets easier. After two years I've learned to deal with it better, but I don't consider it easier. I think this is where shadow grieving comes into play. You may still loose your composure at times, but for the most part you are able to save those tears for the times you are alone.
In the initial stages of this journey I did many things. I took a two by four and beat the walls of my garage until I shattered the wood into hundreds of pieces. I was mad at the world and anyone who had ever wronged my son in my eyes. It was as if they had stolen some of his joy he could have had while in this life. I checked myself into the hospital per a couple of friends requests. They just didn't know how I was supposed to be reacting to this kind of pain. I slept day and night sometimes. I locked myself in my room for days, lost weight, threw up and stayed physically ill. I'm still ill. Thank God for good people. There are many. It is good people in my personal life and my professional life who have helped. God does send angels to help us through our days. Our children seem to stay right by our side but on a spiritual level. I can always feel the presence of my son with me. Every moment. I hope everyone else who has gone through this feels their children too.